LOVINA OR MONICA

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Nigeria's leading fictional story blog - Golden Gate Restaurant in Ikoyi, songs that remind one of Handel Messiah, Victor Moses, iPhone 7.

 
                                                
“She is certainly the one for me, Jegede. I can feel it in my bones. She is the one for me. When I am with her, I feel like the king of the world! I will do anything for her. I am taking her to Golden Gate Restaurant in Ikoyi, this weekend. I plan on surprising her with a gold bracelet. I will do anything for her,” I enthused. “You are sold, my friend,” Jegede said. “If I were you, I would go a bit slowly. You have known her for just a few months. Come one, take it easy, man,” Jegede tried to instill some sense in my head but I would have none of it. Love was swirling in my head and nothing would stop me. I had met Funke at a party some months back and we hit it off right away.

Her beauty was immaculate. Each time I set my eyes on her, my heart sang songs that remind one of Handel Messiah. If Funke asked me to walk, I ran. If she asked me to talk, I yelled my lungs out. I was head over hill in love with her. I was even thinking of buying her a car. The date at Golden Gate Restaurant in Ikoyi was awesome. We laughed, talked and kissed. Finally, I was able to take her home.

I had planned everything to the letter. My house was lit up with candles by one of my friends. I had texted to let him know when to light the candles. The ambience in the house was electric. My heart was pounding…gyrating with effervescent energy. She fell into my arms on seeing the candles. “You are the best, darling. I love you…you are smart, sensitive, good looking and thoughtful. Just hold me darling. Let those muscles of yours spread around me. Look at them, they are like those of Victor Moses. Each time I smell your perfumes, I want those Victor Moses’ like muscles to grab me and toss me onto the bed.

I had always known that I was good looking, but to be compared physically to Victor Moses put more springs in my step. We made love like never before that night. The moon was out and the window in my top floor bedroom was open, allowing the full glare of the moon to peek through. Funke lay on my broad chest, stroking me gently after we had made love. I could not stop smiling. I felt like a king. Funke was stunningly beautiful. She was the kind of girl that guys fought over. The next day, I bought me some Chelsea gear…I wanted to seal my Victor Moses status.

When I picked her up from work, she was elated to see me donning Chelsea jersey. “I guess you are truly Victor Moses,” she said smiling. “You said it darling,” I teased. I bought Funke an iPhone 7. I was thrilled to see her flashing that iPhone 7 at work, terrorizing her friends with her new acquisition. I was off to Italy for work the next week. I returned home with the finest perfume and designer bags…all for Funke. I was smitten! I could not stop thinking of her. When I arrived at Murtala Muhammed International Airport, I sighted her from afar, swiping that iPhone 7 as she waited for me.

I was already talking about introducing Funke to my parents. I had a BMW earmarked for Funke. Everyone said I was going too fast, but I thought they were just jealous of me. They all wish they had her, I concluded. One Saturday morning, I went to Funke’s. She was not expecting me. I had a key to her apartment so, I sneaked in hoping to surprise her. She was on the phone when I got there. I kept quiet, listening and hoping to surprise her when she got off the phone.

“Funke baby!” He friend, Miriam said. “What are you doing this weekend?” “I am having a hot date tonight.” With whom? I wondered. I was going to be with a client at a party that night, so I knew I had not planned a date night with Funke, and she knew it. Could she be seeing someone else? No! I assured myself. Maybe she was planning to surprise me. I was not the least bit worried. Funke was my life and I was hers. She was loyal to me of course.

“With whom?” Miriam asked, as though she had read my mind. Her phone was on speaker as she applied make up while talking to Miriam. “Is it Lovina or Monica?” Miriam asked. I wondered what was going on. Come on, those are female names. What is going on here? “It is my one and only Ephraim – the Lovina of my life. He will pick me up at six. I can’t wait. I would die and kill for that guy.” “Awww! But don’t you think Segun, your Lovina may find out someday? He loves you a lot!”

“All I care about is the one I love, which is why I call Ephraim Lovina. He is the man after my heart. As for Segun, he is just my Monica. He spends on me like a fool. Once I am done milking him dry, I will leave him and melt into the arms of my darling Ephraim (Lovina). He and I are already talking about marriage. You know, he mentions it subtly every now and again. I told Segun, my Monica that Ephraim is my cousin and he is trying to help him get a job with Globacom. Once he lands the job and gets established, I will kick that spender to the gutter and marry Ephraim. Seriously, I’d die without Ephraim!” “You have it all worked out girl,” Miriam praised her. “Yes, I do, dear.”

I could no longer take it. “Hi Funke,” I said barely keeping a rein on my anger. I wanted to smash her head against the wall. All that beauty turned into stinking ugliness. “Hi Segun, darling!” She said with a fake smile on her face. She walked towards me trying to hug me. I turned my back on her and walked out of the apartment. She called several times, but I never took her call. I was depressed for a while, but I thank God I did not introduce her to my parents or bought that car for her. I even wanted to go back and retrieve the iPhone 7 from her, but I could not stand seeing her face again. I am committed to my singleness for now. I am too afraid of becoming someone else’s Monica.

THE END

Written by:
Victor Chinoo

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Moofyme.com: An African Literary Blog: LOVINA OR MONICA
LOVINA OR MONICA
Nigeria's leading fictional story blog - Golden Gate Restaurant in Ikoyi, songs that remind one of Handel Messiah, Victor Moses, iPhone 7.
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