SHADES OF GRIEF

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Nigeria's leading fictional story blog - scribbled some words in a serviette paper, she drank the poisoned juice, never showed up on their wedding day, under heavy intoxication, being HIV positive, alluring beauty of wild butterflies, the shinning diamond.

                                                              
Sasha looked helplessly at her image on the mirror, she couldn’t recognize the woman she saw anymore. With trembling hands and swollen eyes, she scribbled some words in a serviette paper before she drank the poisoned juice. She twisted and turned in agonizing pain before she lay unconscious on the floor of her room. She was simply fed up with the failure she was experiencing. Her dreams seemed too farfetched, because she felt there was no place for a church rat like her at the top. To her, all her efforts were not yielding any result. All the dreams, great ideas and visions of that 23 year old, went to the grave with her. If she lived, she would have become a great writer owning one of the largest private libraries in her state. But she didn’t.

Temi looked outside his window trying to figure out one reason why living was a better option to dying. Finding none, he took the rope he had hidden behind his wardrobe and tied it to the ceiling fan. The love of his life never showed up on their wedding day, he was left alone, embarrassed and ashamed without any explanation. She simply took off. He stood on the stool and tightened the rope around his neck. He kicked the stool off with his legs and suffocated while muttering her name. If he had waited just a little longer, he would have been grateful his fiancée stood him up. She was nothing like the person she pretended to be, but Temi would never know.

Mr Apkan stared at the photo of his wife and two kids. Drops of tears fell on the portrait as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. He wished they never went on that voyage that claimed their lives. He even wished he was the one that was dead. With shaky hands, he took the bottle of alcohol and prescription pills and whispered a silent prayer before drowning himself in the alcohol. He died few hours later under heavy intoxication. If grief hadn’t taken control of his mind, he would have met another wonderful woman who may not be able to replace his wife and kids, but would have been a great consolation for his loss. To him, his grief was far too much for time to heal. He had reasoned that life had dealt him a mortal wound too deep to heal.

Like a child on a playground, Bisi stepped into the tarred road and only had to wait for a Nano second before her brains littered the sidewalk. If Bisi had thought it all out, she would have known that being HIV positive wasn’t the end of the road. It would have marked the beginning of another chapter in her life. Who knows, she would have established an internationally recognized centre for persons like her, where they build a support network for each other. She was too busy thinking of what people would say forgetting that people will talk anyway.

Nnamdi stared at the deep ocean with vague eyes. The rolling waters and cold breeze did nothing to cool the furnace that burnt deeply within his hurting soul. Like a child mesmerized by the alluring beauty of wild butterflies, he walked into the deep and never looked back. His body was swept ashore few days later; he still held that blank stare in his eyes. If Nnamdi had thought it through, he would have realized that life offers more opportunities than just landing a job. If he had searched deeper within himself, he would have found enough motivation to become one of the largest employers of labour of his time. When he lost his million paying job, he simply gave up on life.

MJ gazed at the entire city from the roof top; she would have been mesmerized by the view but not today. With a note in hand and a knife in the other, she looked at her beloved neighbourhood one last time. Like an eagle free falling, MJ stepped into the wind and fell fast to the car park. She was hardly recognizable when people gathered around the bloody heap. If she had opened up to someone about the constant abuse from her father, she wouldn’t have sort out death. MJ forgot that abused persons are not lesser humans in anyway. She would never know how much of her life experiences would have become the right motivation for the younger generation. She failed to see far, because her hurt got in the way of her view.

Mrs Johnson entered her kitchen with fury and decided to end her misery. She opened the gas tank and struck a match. The only reminder that she ever lived was the shinning diamond which was found amongst the ashes in the kitchen. If she had thought it through carefully, she would have realized that her husband’s unfaithfulness was his problem not hers. She would have understood that when he walked out to be with a younger woman, he was violating a sacred vow and only had God to contend with. Peradventure, he would have come back to her after realizing the folly of his ways. Mrs Johnson was too hurt to think; just like every other ash, the wind blew her remains away.

Tina couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror, she was afraid she might be tempted to change her mind. With racing heart and eyes tightly closed, she used the sharp blade to cut her wrist several times. She was later found in the poll of her own blood but it was too late. If she had summoned courage enough to love herself, she would have become one of the renowned beauty queens of her time. Tina should have figured out the uniqueness in being different. She was too caught up in the web of criticisms and low self-esteem. In trying to fit in, she became a misfit and stuck out too much.

Many people wake up every day having reasons to call it quit with life forgetting that every single experience adds to the spice of life. Like these victims, men and women from all works of life may get caught up in a web of endless hurts and disappointment, but that’s not enough reason to throw in the towel. If peradventure we catch a glimpse of tomorrow, would we still contemplate taking the lives we do not own? The uncertainty of tomorrow should build an excitement knowing that the hurts of today ultimately do not determine what we become except, we give them that power.

Suicide rate has tripled in the last decade and it is disheartening to find that even the most successful people could be suicidal.  The beauty of life is the fact that life is in different colourful shades. Like colours, some life experiences may be grim while others are bright; they all form a part of the bigger picture. If the sadness and hurt we feel are allowed to take control of our life, one would simply lose the motivation to live. We all have mountain and valley experiences, it’s all a process. You can be absolutely anything you want to be so long as you don’t lose the vision. The only thing not worth our time and effort is the act of taking one’s life – the victims don’t get to see how the story ends.

THE END

Written by:
Hope Obamwonyi
 
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Moofyme.com: An African Literary Blog: SHADES OF GRIEF
SHADES OF GRIEF
Nigeria's leading fictional story blog - scribbled some words in a serviette paper, she drank the poisoned juice, never showed up on their wedding day, under heavy intoxication, being HIV positive, alluring beauty of wild butterflies, the shinning diamond.
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Moofyme.com: An African Literary Blog
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