THE SECRET JOURNAL - Episode 5

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Nigeria's leading fictional story blog - I bought a ticket to Nigeria, before I left the country, my personal belongings were stolen, said I was HIV positive, my medications seriously, excellent sex appeal, she was very altruistic, still out of school and HIV positive at 27, admission into the University of Ibadan, had fallen in love with me, journal, planted a kiss on her forehead, I love you more.


Entry 11

I got out of the plane, walking quickly and scared that one of Mrs Vladimir’s men would recognize me and take me back to Russia. I walked into the nearest convenience store and bought a change of clothes. I bought a ticket to Nigeria and waited in the lounge. It was perhaps the longest wait of my life, because of how nervous I was. Honestly, I waited for just one hour.

I returned to my apartment and was greeted with dust and cobwebs. I was away for three years. Most of my personal belongings were stolen and I wondered who stole them since the door and windows were still intact. I cleaned my apartment and fed on snacks for days. I was battered and bruised, too ashamed to meet with my friends after all the things I said to them before I left. I was quite boastful before I left the country; they all respected the big boy I was, but deep down, I knew I was living a farce.

I went to the bank after a few days; luckily for me, the large stash of cash I left there was intact. I replaced most of my belongings, renewed my rent and bought some clothes. After a week, I became very ill; at first, I thought it was change of environment coupled with the fact that I was still adjusting. I paid a private doctor heavily for home treatment. He took my blood sample and returned a day later with the test results. He told me it wasn’t looking good and that I should take heart. He also advised me to take my medications seriously. I was ready to hear the worst so I asked him if I had cancer, he said no. I was a bit relieved because that meant I wasn’t terminally ill. My happiness was short lived when he said I was HIV positive. I showed no emotion and I am sure that startled him.


        -------The end-------

Entry 12            
        
I didn’t take my medications seriously at all. I just wanted to die. I knew Mrs Vladimir wasn’t HIV positive because she always had test strips with her to test herself. I was confused as to how I contracted the virus. Images of Bronislava flashed into my mind and I remembered she was the only person I had sex with in the last three months as Mrs Vladimir had been away on a business trip. It dawned on me that while I was thinking I was playing Bronislava she was actually the player and she scored big time.

A nurse came to my apartment and said she was sent by the doctor to check on me. She was the most angelic person I have ever seen. Apart from excellent sex appeal, she was very altruistic and showed genuine concern for me. She made me take my medications regularly and even cleaned my apartment whenever she came. I admit I was drawn to her but I decided she was too good for me. Who would blame me, after all she was all smart looking and intelligent, while I was still out of school and HIV positive at 27.

She advised me to go to the university and even opted to get the form for me. I honestly can’t tell if she liked me for real or she was just doing her job. Nurse Abigail was a bit of both sometimes, although she never over stepped her bounds by asking too sensitive questions. She knew my past was rough but she never treated me like I was lesser human. For the first time in my life, I fell in love with a woman. I couldn’t tell her and I couldn’t help myself.

Abigail was my caregiver for two years even after I got admission into a private university in Abuja. Money wasn’t a problem because somehow aunt Suzan felt they were indebted to me. She sent me huge amount of money which I didn’t have use for. Because of Abigail, I was ready to turn a new leaf. But my problem was my HIV status; although I was receiving the best medical care money could buy, would she honestly want to end up with me despite my health status? This question caused me sleepless nights and restless days.


          ---------The end-------
                          
Tear drops drew a path on Sarah’s cheek. She didn’t know whether her period was making her extra emotional or she was simply over reacting. She decided it was the former. She looked around for a while and soaked in the cool breeze the trees blew her way. She really liked it there in Ibadan and wished she had a reason to stay back after her final papers in a month. Her project was with her supervisor who was making final corrections.

She thought about her own life for a while. It was a plot-less melodrama she concluded. Her life was nowhere near perfect and she desperately wanted to fit in. Her thoughts drifted to earlier years when she was very happy. Her admission into the University of Ibadan was the cherry on top of her seventeenth birthday cake. Nobody told her adulthood was this lonely, she thought. She really wished she had beauty and elegance she often saw in those high class girls. “Too plain for a girl, too much breast for a boy,” Sarah said those words slowly and deliberately and surprisingly, she believed them.

The first guy that ever looked her way got her attention and took advantage of her. She really loved Lanre, who was every lady’s man; she thought he was her dream come true. Not only did he steal her innocence like a thief in the night, he broke her emotions and tore her fragile heart into bits. She thought she was going to die after Lanre left her when she discovered she was pregnant. Her admission was deferred until she delivered and weaned her baby girl, Lois, who became her inspiration and reason to survive. She got back into school with renewed energy and a vow to tuck love far from her heart until she saw a young man in her class who never cease to appear in her dreams. Sarah was scared of showing any emotion, so she masked it very well until the dream episode with Edna. She wished Lanre didn’t toil with her; it would have been much easier to love.

She decided to shift her attention from her painful memories by reading; Sarah turned the next page of the journal and saw the last entry.

Entry 13

Abigail said yes!

Abigail …Abigail! She became the sunshine in my life. The mere sight of he,r lights up the room. I was in love and I no longer could contain it. The day I told her, she looked surprised and was quiet for a long time. I went further to tell her that I wanted her to marry me.

She looked into my eyes and told me how deeply she had fallen in love with me. She was the best thing that has ever happened to me. We decided to always have protected sex and have kids through IVF from a sperm donor. The least I wanted to do was infect her with the virus. She said yes to everything and walked the aisle with me a year later.

We have three kids together and nobody knows they aren’t mine but Abigail. For my troubles, Abigail is my consolation.

   -------The end ------


The next pages were empty as Sarah flipped through them to be sure. She smiled, happy with how the story ended. Maybe Lois was her consolation too, she thought. Her ringtone “don’t break my heart” startled her as it rang loudly. She flipped the receiver and saw that the caller was kelvin. All her plans to unleash the fury of hell on him suddenly seemed stupid to her as she heard his delicious voice. “Hello Sarah.” His voice seemed to take away all her pain and calm her down. With her heart racing like a horse in a polo pitch, she replied “Hi kelvin.” He apologised for not taking her calls and asked if she wanted to have dinner with him to make up for his poor behaviour. Of course she was delighted to have dinner with him but instead she refused saying, “I can’t kelvin; I am not feeling very well.” Kelvin apologised to her and the receiver went dead. She pinched herself hard to convince herself she wasn’t going crazy. She had been yearning for kelvin to take her to a dinner and she bluntly refused because she was saving her, “sorry heart,” she mumbled.

Sarah went back to her room and cried on her pillow. She was still cursing herself for turning down kelvin’s offer when her phone rang. She didn’t bother to look at the caller when she answered the call. “Hi Sarah, I am in front of your hostel.” She would recognize that voice anywhere. Kelvin was downstairs waiting for her. “How did he know my hostel?” She thought. She remembered she was babbling the day they did the assignment together, so she must have told him. “I won’t be surprised if I told him I like my own fart,” Sarah said disgusted at herself for being too open to kelvin.

The heap of clothes on her bed stared back at her as she stood frustrated in front of the mirror. She didn’t know what to wear. She tried her most appealing outfit and concluded kelvin would think she was dressing up for him. Sadly, it was true; she was actually dressing up for him she thought. Sarah pulled on an oversized shirt and a short; she decided that was the most comfortable outfit for the evening for someone ‘feeling not very good’.

Kelvin was leaning on his car when he spotted her walking towards him. He stared at her beautifully shaped legs and wondered why he had never noticed them before. She looked delicate and attractive in the simple outfit she was wearing. Something about how she walked stirred a desire deep inside his loins. He quickly looked away when he noticed she looked his way.

“I am very sorry for taking off like that; I owe you dinner. That presentation was all your idea,” kelvin began. Sarah stared at his well-shaped lips barely listening to all he was saying. She smiled weakly and kelvin took that as a go ahead to continue his speech. “I bought you a drink, hope you don’t mind?” He asked. “Huh, no, not at all,” Sarah said, still taking in the full frame of his body. He was perfection, she thought. Kelvin hurried into the car and came back with a paper bag. He held out the wine to her and she smiled at him before accepting his peace offering. Her smile melted his heart and he looked longingly at her lips.

“Let’s drink together,” Sarah suggested. He opened the back door of his car for Sarah and settled beside her. He retrieved disposable cups from his car trunk and they drank in silence staring at each other at intervals. “I saw your journal,” Sarah blurted out without warning. Kelvin who was carried away was jolted back to reality. “Where? How?” “You left it in the cafeteria, I read it all kelvin! Did you write all that?” Sarah asked with her words slurring. Kelvin knew she was tipsy so he gently pushed her head to rest on his broad shoulder. “Yes, it’s a story I wrote when I was bored,” kelvin lied. He couldn’t bring himself to telling her the truth about the journal. She might never look at him the same again. After all, the journal was about a family member of his. “You wriiiiteeee wellll kelvin, but you know what else you do well?” Sarah asked. “Tell me.” “You are good at showing up in my dreams; I see you every time I close my eyes,” Sarah confessed. Although kelvin was surprised, he didn’t show it. He used his hand to smoothen her hair.  Without warning Sarah raised her head suddenly and joined her mouth to his. Kelvin didn’t fight it; he allowed her kiss him and enjoyed every bit of it. Thoughts of kelvin flooded her mind and she wondered if he would still be by her side tomorrow. She quickly pushed those thoughts aside and decided to live in the moment. Like someone possessed, Sarah stopped kissing kelvin abruptly and fell into a sound sleep.

Thoughts of uncle Deji flooded kelvin’s mind as he struggled to imagine all he had gone through just because he made a wrong choice early in life. He wondered if Aunt Abigail was an angel seeing how she stood beside her husband all these years. Kelvin was determined to keep the journal a secret between the three of them after retrieving it from Sarah. He felt there was no need to trouble calm waters.

Kelvin watched Sarah as she slept peacefully and for the first time he was convinced he really wanted to be with her for a long time. He decided he was going ask her to be his girlfriend the next day. He tilted her head and kissed her like he always wanted to. The kiss held unspoken promises and emotions too deep to put into words. It didn’t matter to kelvin that she wasn’t as classy as the girls that came to him; he was content with the calmness he felt in her presence. She kissed him with equal passion and for the first time, they both knew they wanted to be together. Sarah smiled with drowsy eyes and whispered, “I love you, kelvin.” Kelvin planted a kiss on her forehead and whispered, “love you more.”
 
THE END  CLICK HERE TO READ EPISODE 4

Written by:
Hope Obamwonyi

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Moofyme.com: An African Literary Blog: THE SECRET JOURNAL - Episode 5
THE SECRET JOURNAL - Episode 5
Nigeria's leading fictional story blog - I bought a ticket to Nigeria, before I left the country, my personal belongings were stolen, said I was HIV positive, my medications seriously, excellent sex appeal, she was very altruistic, still out of school and HIV positive at 27, admission into the University of Ibadan, had fallen in love with me, journal, planted a kiss on her forehead, I love you more.
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Moofyme.com: An African Literary Blog
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