ANGRY WIVES - Episode 3

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Nigeria's leading fictional story blog - Women, election, women in their planned revolt, Open Market Operation, money, give her husband a taste of what the women, a popular goat farm just off her street, he-goat scent, resources, senatorial election, senatorial district.

“Iya Iliasu, the men know about your dangerousity, they gave me eighty thousand Naira so that you will not join the other women in their planned revolt, “said Baba Iliasu. “If they like make them give you the whole money, so long as we the women have been denied our right, my dangerousity will show well well o! Go keep the money them give you and pray the matter is resolved quick quick o! Because all the people wey chop Prince Jegede money go vomit am. Make I tell you the truth now, Prince Jegede don fail this election o!” Iya Iliasu threatened. “Who fit komot Prince Jegede? He is the people’s choice,” Baba Iliasu boasted. “Women no follow for those people o! We wan go pick our own candidate and our candidate go win. Make I tell you now, Baba Iliasu, women don strike kpata kpata; if you wan joly with me you go pay o! Abike say na Open Market Opression (Operation).”

“What arrant nonsense is this? How I go pay my wife to sleep with her? No! You women have gone too far. No sensible person will feel sympathy for you people if you go ahead with this threat.” “We no want sympathy, na money we want. No be only say we don strike for Joly Joly, we strike for everything wey we dey do for house.” “If so then, the men will have to bring in small girls into their homes to take care of them.” “They never born the girls wey go do am. You, if your head strong pass my own, go carry woman outside.”

Mama Kelechi who when she heard about the money Prince Jegede gave the people of Bilia began to plan on how she would use her share of it to pay some of her debts, was so heart broken, she did not waste time to give her husband a taste of what the women had planned. From the meeting she went straight to a popular goat farm just off her street and asked the keeper to allow her assess the goats to know which one she would recommend to her brother to buy the next day. Actually, Mama Kelechi had come to make sure she had the he-goat scent rubbed off on her as much as possible, so she could ward off her husband with it during the night.

She knew her husband would return home drunk after receiving his own share of the money and would make unnecessary demand on her, that usually end unpleasantly.  She waddled through the goat farm making sure enough of the he-goat scent was left on her. When she got home she took off her he-goat scented cloth and draped it outside. Much later in the night her husband came back drunk. The way he staggered, gave the impression he must have gulped down a lake of alcohol all by himself. Papa Kelechi was way too drunk to have picked a whiff of the he-goat scent around his house. If Papa Kelechi had the means to do it, he would have poisoned all the he goats in the world; that was how much he hated them and their foul stench.

In the early hours of the morning Papa Kelechi woke up from his alcohol induced deep sleep, hungry as a lion and needing his wife’s attention. He went into the kitchen and helped himself out on whatever he could find in there and came back to ask his wife, to let him have his conjugal right. However, when he came back to the bedroom he could not believe it was the same room he had left a few minutes earlier, the room reeked with the acrid stench of the he-goat perfume. He ran out of his bedroom so fast that his wife could not help laughing at him. While he went to eat something in the kitchen, Mama Kelechi had sneaked out through the front door to bring in her he-goat scented cloth, put it on and lay back on the bed.

She had hoped it would help her maintain effective control over her resources, and ward off her husband. Mama Kelechi’s plan took an ugly twist when Papa Kelechi came back fuming and livid with rage. He demanded for Mama Kelechi to go have her bath and return to the room, so he could have his way with her. But his wife was unbending and insisted she had had her bath; and that the he-goat stench must have wafted in from outside. He so beat up Mama Kelechi that early morning that neighbours thought she was going to die. However, Mama Kelechi was determined to keep her resources rather than let him taste them.

By morning other women of Bilia who lived nearby sent word to Abike and Sisi Vokeh about how Papa Kelechi had punched his wife like a bag all through the night. When Abike and Sisi Vokeh arrived at Papa Kelechi’s house they did not come alone, they had Iya Iliasu and two policemen in their company. Without much ado, Iya Iliasu, dropped a calabash on the doorstep to Papa Kelechi’s house and threatened to make him deaf and dumb. Papa Kelechi who had heard of Iya Iliasu’s fame was visibly shaken when she began to make incantations and dance in a frenzied fashion.  It was quite a scene Iya Iliasu created in the neighbourhood that morning. Papa Kelechi was very glad when the two policemen cuffed him and took him to the police station on account of battering his wife. He was very thankful to God the three women had not come to his house alone. Abike was sporting a three quarter shorts and a boxing glove in one hand, while Sisi Vokeh came out with a long frying spoon which she wielded dangerously. Perhaps if Mr. Abel had not thought of calling in the police when he saw his wife preparing for fight, Papa Kelechi would have been beaten to stupor and made deaf and dumb.

By noon that same day, about thirteen men were cooling off in police nest for battering their wives over the night for their wives’ refusal to let them have their conjugal right with them. However, by the time the day was over, it had become clear to all the men in Bilia that Abike and the women she led would not be intimidated into relinquishing their tight hold over their natural resources. At some point that day, the Divisional Police Officer in charge of Bilia East, Alhaji Matamba, had to arrest any man who was accused of even planning to beat his wife. The police feared what a loose Iya Iliasu could do if she was allowed the chance. That day it was said that Iya Iliasu had threatened to lock a man who beat his wife up inside a coca cola bottle and sell him off to Fulani traders who often visited Bilia from Potiskum.

The man who was new in Bilia knew nothing about Iya Iliasu and had boasted he could beat his wife as many times as he wished. This angered Iya Iliasu and she left a 25cl coca cola bottle at his door and claimed the man would wake up the next morning inside the bottle. When the man tried to remove the bottle from his door after Iya Iliasu and her company had left, he collapsed to the ground, panting heavily. That was when his neighbours told him about who Iya Iliasu really was. By night the man had to go plead with Iya Iliasu for forgiveness and made atonement for his sin which required his bringing some part of the money given to him from Prince Jegede’s largess.

By the third day all the women gathered at Bilia town hall to pick the candidate whom they would vote for in the senatorial election. They unanimously chose Engineer Iniabasi Edidiong Unwana. Abike was saddled with the responsibility to write to his campaign organization to formally inform him that the women of Bilia had adopted him as their candidate for the senatorial election. Abike was aware that no man in Bilia, literate in the language of English, would want to help her write the letter, so she consulted her son, Sanko, to help her write the letter.

“You have been claiming that you know so much grammar, oya, Sanko now is the time to sow (show) your talent. We are going to write to Engineer Iniabasi Edidiong Unwana to let him know that the women of Bilia have adopted him as their candidate for the forthcoming senatorial election. Oya bobo Sanko fire!” Sanko was all too glad to take on the task, and replied, “You have nothing to worry about, bobo Sanko is going to show you that he is the son of his father!”                                                                                     

                                                                                                            Association of Women of Bilia
                                                                                                            No 6 China Lane
                                                                                                            Bilia town, Lagoon State
                                                                                                            June 26th 1989

Engineer Iniabasi Edidiong Unwana Campaign Organization
House 5b, Lansbury Close
Bamakah  District
Lagoon State.

Dear Sir,

It is with utmost joy and a view to an Eldorado Bilia we could have in the event of your victory at the polls, that the entire women of Bilia write to inform you that you have been officially adopted as our candidate in the coming senatorial election.

The women of Bilia are tigresses and lionesses; who understand the intricacies and risks of electioneering; and every method of gerrymandering which your opponents might adopt to influence the forthcoming election to their favour. We are more in number and have the wherewithal to influence many others to join our band wagon.

We would be honored to have you come to Bilia and campaign without delay. Bilia is the key to winning every senatorial election in Bamakah district. Capture Bilia and you will have won the senatorial seat of Bamakah district.  Our choice of you as our candidate is influenced by the underhand, undemocratic, uncouth and chauvinistic leadership approach of our men which lightly esteems the feminine gender and so often relegates us to positions a little better than that of a door mat.

Adopting you as our candidate is no petty contrivance of the women of Bilia aimed at enriching ourselves with some of your election campaign budget. It is rather a battle of pride to force our men to accord us the respect we deserve. We have in the light of how we have been treated lately, boldly decided to go against their own candidate, your opponent, Prince Jegede.

We look forward to seeing you and your campaign team in Bilia.

Thank you and God bless.

                                                                                                        Yours Faithfully,
                                                                                                        Abike Ogheneoboakpororo Abel
                                                                                                        For: The women of Bilia


                                            CLICK HERE TO READ EPISODE 2

Written by:
Uzoma Ujor

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ANGRY WIVES - Episode 3
Nigeria's leading fictional story blog - Women, election, women in their planned revolt, Open Market Operation, money, give her husband a taste of what the women, a popular goat farm just off her street, he-goat scent, resources, senatorial election, senatorial district. An African Literary Blog
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