Teacher : Samanja, spell appetite. Samanja : A-P-E-T-I-T Teacher : Samanja, what is wrong...
Teacher: Samanja, spell appetite.
Teacher: Samanja, what is wrong with you? How do I teach you so you can learn? Spell appetite before I throw you under my feet and stomp you into the ground. It is very simple. Spell it as it sounds – appetite.
Samanja: Sir, I already spelt it as it sounds. I know my ABC sir. Appetite is A-P-E-T-I-T.
Teacher: Okoro, please can you spell appetite, so that this bush man can learn.
Okoro: Appetite is A-P-P-E-T-I-T-E
Teacher: Correct. Samanja, did you hear that?
Samanja: But sir, where did he get the last E in appetite. You said to spell it as it sounds, and when you say it, I certainly do not hear the last E. Otherwise, it should be pronounced appetitÉ.
Teacher: Bush man, the last E is silent.
Samanja: But sir, how am I supposed to know when a letter is silent or not. You should have told me to spell appetit – silent E and not appetite. And sir, how do I know when P has a twin (double P) and when it does not. This is so confusing especially when you tell me to pronounce it as it sounds.
Teacher: Now I know you will never learn. Shut your stupid mouth. Now spell Mosque!
Samanja: Sir is it spelt as it sounds?
Teacher: Stupid boy! Of course!
Samanja: Sir, I don’t agree with this one. What he spelt is moskwUE and not mosk!
Teacher: Shut up, idiot. There is nothing like mosk.
Samanja: But sir, the K sound at the end is not the same as the Q, which normally sounds like KW. How can he be right?
The class burst into a loud laughter directed at Samanja.
Teacher: Please laugh at this bush man. He has no idea what he is saying. I know I am wasting my time trying to teach you but I will keep trying. Spell church, Samanja.
The teacher walked closer and gave him a knock on the head. The class laughed riotously.
Teacher: Common church you cannot spell. I think you should be home playing not in the classroom. Please help us spell church, Musa.
Samanja: Sir, this is not fair. They get the spelling wrong and you praise and I get it right and you beat me and call me bush man. Where is the O in the church that Musa spelt? This does not even make sense to me. How can church have a U? Where is that from Musa? It is C-H-O-C-H and not church. No one told me there was supposed to an R in church and that it is another silent one. What is the formula for knowing when a letter is sitting silently in a word, sir? I can’t even pronounce what Musa spelt.
Teacher: Yes, you cannot pronounce it because you are daft. Now, if you don’t get this one correct, you will go and work on the farm for the rest of the day. What is ‘terminal illness’?
Samanja smiled broadly.
Teacher: Why are you smiling as if you just won a lottery?
Samanja: I know this one very well, sir.
Teacher: Then go ahead and tell the class.
Samanja: Sir, terminal illness is when someone falls sick at the airport terminal.
Samanja was smiling broadly as he answered the question. His smile was so broad that he could eat a banana sideways.
Teacher: Get out of my class idiot!!! Go get a cutlass and head straight for the farm!!!
Samanja: Sir, it is not fair. I know my aunt who was travelling to London last month fell ill at the airport terminal. Is that not terminal illness?
Teacher: Walk out before I break your jaw!!!
The class was laughing so boisterously that a few students fell off their seats.
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