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There is an overwhelming impression especially in Africa that women prioritize material gains over love. While some women do, it is important to mention that this tendency boils down to individual preferences. However, the material attachment argument is not entirely true because beneath the heart of every lady, whether she fancies the ‘bling’ or not, there is an unquenchable desire; one that supersedes everything else that she may hunger or want – ATTENTION. By this, I don’t mean psychotic or vain attention-seeking – one that makes some people want to be at the top always, ahead of everyone else…look at me, I am the one; leave everything else you are doing in the whole world and focus on me twenty four hours a day. That type of attention seeking produces the opposite result, actually – TURN OFF!!! I am talking about a sincere desire to know and understand beyond any doubt that you are important in the life of your lover or husband. The unquestionable feeling that if his heart were a castle that he would carve out a special place at the very center of it, specially reserved for you and you alone. Often, the psychotic kind of attention seeking originates from the feeling by the lady in question that she is not all that important…valuable in the life of her man.

It is not surprising that more often than not, some women whose husbands or boyfriends are extremely rich are incredibly lonely, sad and empty. This underlines the fact that all the money in the world cannot buy true unconditional love. Whether we like it or not, for a woman, LOVE is spelt as TIME!!! Yes, the idea that if you buy a girl expensive gifts and take her on exotic trips, she would feel happy and loved is not true if you do not do that with your whole heart. Women are sensitive, smarter than men often give them credit for – they see through male ego much more than most men understand. If a man forgets his girl’s or wife’s birthday only to realize at the last minute after which he dashes to the flower shop and buys her a last minute, run-of-the-mill left over flower with no romantic note attached, she can see through that from miles away. The lack of details – ATTENTION tells her that she is not the epicenter of your heart.

Many a time, little or subtle acts make all the difference. An unexpected phone call in the middle of the work day or a text message to say; ‘honey, I am thinking of you’ will go a long way in making her day, and most of all further solidifying your place as a man in her heart. Some men complain quite often, “What do women really want?” The answer is attention. Take a break from work and drive home to give her a warm hug and a kiss if she is at home or if she is a stay at home mother. Buy a luscious bouquet of flower and walk to her office beaming with a ravishing smile as you hand her your warm and thoughtful find…a special collection for her. Leave work a bit early sometimes and start making dinner before she returns from work. Do her laundry for her and truly and honestly listen when she talks to you. Make far reaching efforts to understand her needs. The time and effort you exert on these go a long way in filling her heart with joy and most of all, love for you. If you want to be the KING of the castle, you must first make her the QUEEN of your heart. Remember, she knows when you are doing it from deep within and when you are simply ACTING it – you know what I mean, that half-hearted, drab and cold effort just to do it, not because you want to do it.

Show her that she truly is very important to you. For younger people who have just started dating, if you as a woman find yourself making all the calls that is a telltale sign that you may not necessarily be at the top of his priority list. That may be a wakeup call to be careful how invested you get in the relationship emotionally, early on. Truth is, men can be just as emotional, if not more emotional when they are crazily in love. When a man is madly in love, he is like a moving train – nothing can stand in his way. He is willing to jump off the bridge or willingly volunteer to be stung by a wild and angry scorpion, just to prove his point – THAT HE LOVES YOU DEARLY. In that case, even a blind woman can tell that he is willing to invest quality time to make her happy, to share his deepest thoughts and plans with her; to enjoy her company and relish her presence. You would be like the air he breathes; the moment you want to leave, he begs and holds onto you like a child asking a parent for protection. When you don’t see those in your relationship…Something may be horribly wrong.

I have heard some girls ask if it is selfish of them to want to feel important in the life of their man. The answer is a capital NO!!! It is your right…your inalienable right to feel special, wanted, loved, cared for – if not, then what is there to cherish in a relationship? You deserve every ounce of his passionate and thoughtful attention to the letter. I have to say that it ought to come naturally and seamlessly from him. If you find yourself constantly fighting and battling for his attention, hmmm!!! That is not a good sign girl. I have to mention though that there is a caveat here. Today, men are faced with enormous stress and pressures at work. Amid all that, they are likely to recoil into their shells and drop the ball a bit. So, that does not mean you have been relegated to the back bench if your man is going through such phase. That is when he needs your love and support…attention too. On the other hand, if you hardly ever feel like he is invested emotionally in you….if he is ‘NOT INTO YOU’ that is a different kettle of fish – maybe you two need to have a serious talk. I will have to talk about this in another article, but I would like to mention here briefly that we all evolve over time in the way we perceive and relate to things around us.

The things that tickle our fancy and ignite our passion change with time too. It is important that couples take time to explore these things. For instance, if your husband is constantly standing at the entrance of your office with a Charlie Chaplin-like smile with a bouquet of flower in his hand, you may soon start thinking about slapping that smile out of his face. Variety has no parallel in the realm of love and romance. For some of us men, we need some directives as to what gets your heart going like a locomotive engine. Talk to him about it…It is better to be late than never. In the end, it is your full right to feel special, don’t allow your feelings to be swept under the carpet. That is not where they belong. You know when you are treated specially…when you are made to feel like a queen. Let that be your searchlight when you seek out the man after your own heart…You thoroughly deserve it!!!



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Written by:
Victor Chinoo

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